Cry baby JT is gonna retire without the Champions league. Aaaah....bliss.

One of the most intriguing aspects of being a football fan is the joy you get from seeing a rival going through a rough patch. The kind of sadistic joy that Germans coined a word for; schadenfreude. Such emotions are usually triggered by the fear, real or imagined, that said rival will deny success to your team in a winner takes all sport. That, plus the repulsive persona of the poster boys of these teams serves as fuel for the burning hatred.

Over the last fifteen years of supporting Manchester United, it has become second nature to hate whatever team challenges us for top honors. And Liverpool. Apart from a few occasions, it has largely been a period filled with much joy out of seeing the enemy fail.

With two of my most hated rivals in the doldrums, now would be as good a time as any to indulge in some schadenfreuede.

Steven Gerrard is a player I hate with as much passion as Liverpool fans adore him. He is a physical embodiment of Liverpool FC, a dinosaur trying to stay relevant by virtue of success in a long gone era. You see Gerrard is no spring chicken, cruising towards his 32nd birthday with a big monkey on his back pointing and laughing at a big failing of his.

In a recent interview, Gerrard confirmed what he and Liverpool fans fears most as he approaches the end of his football career; the lack of a Premier League winners medal for a club legend. Said Gerrard in a November interview: “It’s something I think about almost every day. I always think about the dream of winning it – or the disappointment if I was never to win it.”

“To have played at Liverpool for 14 or 15 years by the time I finish and not win it would be hugely disappointing. It would be an awful shame.”

And therein lies the source of so much joy for Reds around the world. As I write this, Liverpool are struggling in the league as they are 14 points off the top of the table past the halfway stage of the season. The return of Dalglish was supposed to mark the return to the days of glory but has been typified by their consistent mediocrity. With United a force to reckon with at all times and City looking stronger with every passing season, the likelihood of Steven George Gerrard lifting  the league trophy is looking slimmer with him being in the winter stages of his career. Somehow that thought creates a warm fuzzy feeling for me and countless reds worldwide as the bastard slips into oblivion.

Speaking of slipping, the father of all cry babies offers another avenue to indulge in some sadistic bliss. Step forward John Terry aka The British bulldog. I don’t need to go into details as to why I hate this repulsive thug of a player. The hatred I feel for the guy can only be matched by the joy I get whenever I remember his Russian escapades in May 2008.

Fed by the obsession of the club owner to win the Champions league, Chelsea have tried all tricks in the book to achieve this end. They came so close to finally achieving this dream only for their dear leader, captain, legend to bottle it. The delight United fans got from that day was immortalized when a terrace chant at Old Trafford was quickly put up, mocking the Chelsea captain for his fuck up at the most crucial of times.

Viva JohnTerry, Viva John Terry…could have won the cup, but he fucked it up..Viva John Terry’ sing the United fans, forever reminding him of his failure.

Gerrard’s inability to lead his team to the title was never in doubt given how poor the team has been in the last two decades. For Terry however, it seemed a matter of ‘when’ not ‘if’ he is going to lead his team to European glory given the strength of the team under his leadership and the several near-misses. But as Jonathan Wilson puts it in Inverting the Pyramid, success is a nebulous quarry. Luck retains its place in football, and success can never be guaranteed, particularly over a thirteen game continental tournament. With an ageing squad and a manager trying to find his feet in a new league, Chelsea are as far from winning the European cup now as they have ever been at any time during Roman’s ownership of the club. Again, JT as they call him is no young turk in football terms. Like his team, he has become slow and ineffective and hopefully soon enough, irrelevant.

Steven Gerrard and John Terry; one club men, club captains and legends. Bar a miraculous upturn in fortunes, its looking almost certain that both will  bow out of the game with much regret having missed out on what they wanted most. In another part of Northern England, one Ryan Giggs is challenging for what would be his 13th league medal with two European gongs and numerous other medals.

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer mentioned Schadenfreude as the most evil sin of human feeling, saying famously “To feel envy is human, to savor schadenfreude is devilish.” At the end of the day, I guess we are all devils. Red devils.

About the Author

Galimo Askumo
An explorer, an infomaniac and a hippie. I got tired of wanting to read detailed, long form articles on various topics that interest me so I decided to write about them. My username is an ode to the last two known members of my family tree which goes back 11 generations.

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28 Comments

  1. loso manutd

    i hate them too esp stevie g every time he scores he does the five finger thing what a cunt bar our failings gainst barca

  2. loso manutd

    we wud b on par with them n they won the champs league ages ago

    • panoramicdon

      Poor Stevie, we are the top dogs whether he raises the five fingers or not. TIck tock Stevie..

  3. Maiko Ramires

    Once read this joke:

    Gary Neville did a fairy a good favour and as a reward the fairy told Gary to make a wish and it will come true. Gary said, “I want to live forever.”

    “You fool! Not that kind of wish. No one lives forever. Make another wish son.”

    “Ok then! I want to die when Liverpool win the Premier League.”

    “You clever cunt! Wish granted!”

    • panoramicdon

      That’s immortality secured then, haha. Poor fools, living in the past.

  4. Dutch Dutchinho

    Not only disappointing but hugely embarassing on his part. manze 15yr career and no EPL silverware.

    • panoramicdon

      Music to the ears Dutch. Let’s see if he will raise his five fingers when he retires without an EPL medal.

  5. Aisha

    Nice, do a piece on AFCON

    • panoramicdon

      Work in progress Aisha, articles on AFCON up soon.

  6. Aisha

    And on my hate list, cristiano, messi, crouch, obi mikel… The list is long. Long live schadenfreud

    • panoramicdon

      Thats a diverse hate list, wonder what’s the motivation behind the hatred?

  7. michael olu

    dont talk too much bout liverpool.thats like back-peddling.haha. we way bigger

    • panoramicdon

      Mike, just some time out from enjoying success to enjoy the suffering of lesser teams 😀

  8. Arnold

    you learn new words each day !!Just heard this word for the 1st time and am liking it . There are many players i have on that list whoi for example have made me dislike their national teams . For excample
    Roberto Baggio (after knocking Nigeria out of WC 94 , i have always celebrated any downfall of his including that Penalty)
    Rudi Voeller(He provoked Rjikaard in the 90 WC, that being my 1st wC and the Dutch were my team they both got sent off)
    Harry Kewell( He scored the 3rd goal for leeds , when were on the way to winning the league cant remeber the exact dates )
    Sergio Goycochea( Eliminating Italy semifinals 1990 – He has made me dislike Argentina ever since)
    Rigobert Song(that RED CARD that led to a 6-1 drubbing) to name but a few

  9. panoramicdon

    Arno, I fondly remember that day. May 4th 2003 at Kengeles Nairobi West when you guys lost at Highbury, securing the league title for United 😛

    I also used to hate Brazil for eliminating the Dutch at France 98. The hatred lasted till this year when we visited. Nigeria I hate till today, no logical reason behind that though.

  10. swaleh

    awesome read! Keep ’em coming…

    • panoramicdon

      Will do Swaleh, thanks for the feedback and kind words. Cheers

  11. Sean

    I’m afraid I’ll have to pull a black sheep, I admire Stevie, especially after Istanbul. That was legendary, although JT I feel no sympathy for. Zilch. My list of players I feel utmost bile for include;
    Christiano- Lad has a big head, non literal. Very individualistic and almost cost us the UCL in 2008?

    VA VA VOOM- For that period when Arsenal were title contenders, his goals were a constant thorn.

    Dennis the menace- Shoots when he shouldn’t and passes when he should. At Kenya’s expense

    • panoramicdon

      Sean, how dare you? That’s blasphemy! 😀

      You sure do hate your own (ref Cristiano and Oliech). You forget whose goal(s) got us to the final and took the game to penalties? Ronaldo’s brilliant, he’s allowed some bullshit every now and then.

      Henry I used to hate hate hate. The arrogance was repulsive and was mirrored by the loud mouthed gooners. With time the hatred has turned to begrudging admiration.

      Oliech is our star! I blame it on playing with lesser players

  12. swaleh

    …and the beauty about football is not just about winning, getting the three points or having a huge goal difference, but also seeing rivals being beaten by other small teams after UNITED have given them their thrashing #trendsetters

    As much as I love to hate Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal, one thing about being a true football fan is giving credit where it’s due… I respect JT and Captain Fantastic. They make their teams seem interesting when they play and they show true passion in playing for their teams. We, at UNITED lack that this season.

    As for Stevie G aka Captain Fantastic and Liverpool, I will continue repeating my quote, “He(they) will never walk alone, but he(they) will always walk by the trophy”

    • panoramicdon

      “…and the beauty about football is not just about winning, getting the three points or having a huge goal difference, but also seeing rivals being beaten by other small teams after UNITED have given them their thrashing” Arsenal vs Swansea anyone?

      True JT and Gerrard do a good job of leading their teams. Its why they have a cult following at their respective clubs. Still doesn’t stop us hating. Its the same with GNev, they hate him so much but to us, he is a hero, a legend. Such diverging views on the same individuals adds to the beauty of the game.

  13. Nimo

    Can it be inferred then Don P,that you view Chelsea as the no 1 threat?

  14. panoramicdon

    Nimo baby, if you asked me that 3 years ago, I’d have concured. For now though your team is a donkey in a horse race 😛 #smallteam

    • Nimo

      Il take any admission I can get from you that MY TEAM is awesome.3 years but not much has changed,No?

      • panoramicdon

        Much has changed. Your stalwarts are now old and past it. Still got a good core to the team but some tweaking here and there wouldn’t go amiss. The signing of Gary Cahill is a good starting point.

  15. Goonette

    Evra! The man and boys smack…on that note, hope we whoop the devils next sunday
    The diving barcelona players, they know themselves….
    Cristiano..for obvious reasons

    • panoramicdon

      Goonette, welcome to the blog and thanks for the feedback. A win on Sunday for the gunners is but a dream. Hoping to wipe the floor with you once again.

      The Barca players were at their diving, whining best yesterday by all accounts. I share in your hatred for such.

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